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The current year marks a full decade since the word “vanishing” entered the public consciousness. Back then, the concept that someone could abruptly cease all contact with a romantic interest without any notice seemed like the height of disrespect. We were so innocent. In the ten-year span since, finding a mate has only become more bewildering – an commonly unsuccessful endeavor in humiliation that is increasingly shaped by online lingo.

Gen Z, a generation who came of age during a social isolation epidemic, a male identity crisis, and a coordinated challenge on the freedoms of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a infinitely more complex landscape than their millennial elders could ever fathom. And so their romantic glossary has grown longer and more unhinged, with phrases like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” straining the limits of your sanity.

Below is a comprehensive glossary to the phrases gen Z is using to talk about romance, sex and the pursuit of both. To channel one of the year’s most viral memes, by the end of this guide you’ll ache to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it lacks “wokefishing”.

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A

Genuineness – According to gen Z, dating’s ideal is showing up as your true, raw self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A social media test inspired by a test developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and pay attention to whether your partner’s reply is engaged or dismissive. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Black cat girlfriend – Zoomers' response to the “quirky fantasy girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while exuding enigma and self-sufficiency. (She may yet have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Chair theory – This refers to choosing someone who helps you unprompted. If you entered a room, they would fetch a seat for you to sit down.

Choremance – A outing where two people connect while running errands, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained young adults do affordable dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Melting down – Melting down when you feel swamped by life. You can lose it over a crush or split, spilling all of your (unrequited) emotions.

D

DINK – Two incomes, no children. Once a signifier of 80s young urban professional affluence, it refers to couples who choose against parenthood to focus on their own well-being. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of being guarded: embracing communication, transparency and openness.

F

Signals

• Warning signs – Behavioral quirks suggesting a potential partner is bad news. Examples include calling their former partners unstable, bad tipping habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Good indicators – These actions confirm your choice to date a partner. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal phone use, owning a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe specific, mostly harmless idiosyncrasies. For instance being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still keeping a biro in their wallet, paying rent in cash …

Niche bonding – When you find someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the second world war or DVD collecting or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who loathes the same stuff or people that you do (nothing builds closeness faster than having a common enemy).

The Letter G

Geese – A band your gen Z boyfriend likes.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of disappearing.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and devoted. The rare partner who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's opposite.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online community of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, intentionally delaying orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An archetype touted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and contentedly domestic, who apparently has no ambitions of her own aside from satisfying her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Arbitrary and often mundane dealbreakers that instantly shut down any feelings of interest.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to remember after you watch someone else get an incredibly sweet display.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal partner: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd prefer partners in professions they perceive as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, teachers or counselors.

K

Locking lips – This year, scientists learned that kissing has been around for 16m years. But the days of locking lips may be numbered since some gen Z prefer fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy believable.

Enhanced profile crafting – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {